Went to Cliff House for a drink the other night. The bar in Cliff house is overlooking the pacific ocean.

There is a big parking lot by the ocean beach, and about six month ago, in an early spring Sunday morning, a blue mustang convertible had once parked there, facing the ocean. Inside the car, a French album — Enzo Enzo– was playing. A young couple inside kissed for the first time…less than six hours later, they were on their way to Napa valley–their one and only trip together.

She didn’t know it would be their last trip then.

That night when he drove her back to her place, before got off the car, she thanked him again for a wonderful wonderful weekend. In a way it scared her, because it had been too beautiful! A little voice was warning her inside “beauty never lasts.”

He smiled, in a very quiet and yet calm voice, he replied to her gratitude, “there will be more to come.” Never, in her life, has anyone given her such a confident answer. “There will be more to come.” He was not predicting the future, he was merely stating a fact, as if reciting from a script. He was so sure.

“How could you be so sure?”was the first thought came to her mind, but she waved it away, “No, I’m not going to spoil this moment by stupid reality check.” She wanted to believe him. Oh, so much!

Six months later, a warm Saturday afternoon in November, he has left California for France three weeks ago; she was reading a short story and the following paragraph caught her attention:

“I had this sudden awareness of how the moments of our lives go out of existence before we’re conscious of having lived them. Its only a relatively few moments that we get to keep and carry with us for the rest of our lives. Those moments ARE our lives….I realised we can never predict when those few, special moments will occur, and how there are certain people, not that many, who enter ones life with the power to make those moments happen. Maybe thats what falling in love means–the power to create for each other the moments by which we define ourselves.”

During summer, after the story ended and when she realized she was nothing but one of his many episodes during his short stay in California; when she realized in a way he was stating a line in his script, the one he was repeating over and over again. It still didn’t dim the light of that moment.

Whenever she remembered his voice, she still wanted to believe he was sincere. At least at that moment. If he was merely playing a role, he played it with such sincerity that no one could call him a liar. Who’s responsible for the future anyway?

Their little affair started when he introduced her to Fantine from the musical Les Miserable at a friend’s pool party.

“There was a time when men were kind,
When their voice were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time,
It all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made, and used, and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung
No wine untasted

But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.”

1995.11.26